Re-reading my latest post, I realize I came off sounding extremely bitter and very "Bah, humbug"-like. That was not my intention at all. I was trying to just point out the ridiculousness that the holiday has become. Well, this post is much lighter... I promise.
On the 22nd, I volunteered to do face painting for my parents' Raiders club for their Little Warriors Christmas party. It's for kids who are battling or have battled cancer. Some of the kids wore surgical masks because they couldn't be exposed to the environment. I thought this would be difficult to do, especially if I did it on kids who had lost their hair to cancer.Well, the very first in my chair was a 5 year old girl named Leileen. There she was, no hair on her head but the biggest smile on her face. She wanted to be a purple kitty. I painted her face and sent her on her way, thinking that all my stupid little worries were nothing compared to what this little girl has gone through and if she can manage to live her life as normally as possible, I can suck up my piddly-ass problems and get on with my life. Leileen came up 2 more times, first to have a butterfly painted on her left hand and then Hello Kitty painted on her right. She was running around and playing and having the best time. At least 30 kids came through my chair that day, but she left an impression on me.
Modesty is the lowest of the virtues, and is a confession of the deficiency it indicates. He who undervalues himself is justly overvalued by others. -William Hazlitt
On Christmas Eve, I got a facebook message from my ex boyfriend, Casey. Just a simple Merry Christmas and how are you? I responded then he asked if I wanted to catch up or get a drink or something. Of course I wanted to. I love catching up with friends I haven't seen in a while. In this case, I hadn't seen him in 6 years. He just stopped talking to me and kind of disappeared. Of course, I thought it was something I had done- it usually is. Anyway, on Wednesday I drove to BJ's in menifee and met him for dinner. I recognized the back of his head immediately. Same floppy hair. I thought it might be weird or awkward or long silences. It wasn't at all. We talked for 3 hours, the way we used to on AIM every night before we even started dating. I mean, talking to someone for 3 hours isn't really a big deal...I do it all the time. But this was a big deal. It didn't feel like we hadn't talked in 6 years. He apologized for that. For just up and ending our friendship. I wasn't terribly surprised because all my ex boyfriends eventually do, but I was hurt because he gave me absolutely no explanation. It was nice to find out that it had nothing to do with me after all. He also told me that he felt self-conscious about the height difference the whole time we were dating (He's 5'4, I'm 5'8) but that was due to his own insecurities. It didn't phase me at all, and I'm the girl, but that kind of thing has never bothered me. He then proceeded to pay for my dinner, though he drove an hour out of his way to see me. That just means I'll have to buy next time...if there is a next time. Hope so, anyway. It was a wonderful night.
Last week, I started watching my friend's little boys. Kyle is 5 and Kaden is 3. Cutest kids. They LOVE coming over. It isn't because of me; it's because of all the toys and my giant yard that they can play in. They're really good boys, easy to watch and easy to entertain. The little one likes to get into the fridge and cupboards and get things out but I have avoided this by basically putting all the snack stuff up. Their mom told me all they could talk about the night after our first day was "going to Lauren's house tomorrow". Kyle even hugged me and thanked me for letting them come over. It was so sweet! Having them over pretty much all day has forced me to be more active. I have to keep tabs on them at all times and then go outside and run around. The other day, Kyle told me I was a zombie and he had to shoot me. I fell in the mud "dead" more times than I care to admit. Definitely don't want kids but it's good to not just sit around all day.
Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. ~Malcolm S. Forbes
I've been given a lot to think about in the last week. What I want out of life, where I'm going, who I want in my life... I'm making some big changes. There are some people who don't deserve my time and energy anymore and frankly, I'm tired of trying. Then there are the pathological liars in my life who have worn out their welcome. It's my life and I need to do what's best for me. I have a drama-free policy and I intend to keep it that way. Don't bring your drama into my life and expect me to just accept it. Don't care if that's harsh; that's how it's gonna be...
Gotta be me.
-Me
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