Call me a Scrooge, but I just don't like holidays. I don't like the idea of spending lots of money on crap people don't need or the forced merriment or gathering with family. Don't get me wrong, I love my family very much but I don't see why we need to force each other into a tiny house once a year to celebrate a holiday that wasn't intended for family in the first place. We see each other plenty during the year. Then my mother treats me like I'm 5 years old again. "Did you say hello?" "Did you say thank you?" "Come eat" Blah, blah, blah...and if I make one tiny remark I'm suddenly being a bitch and I ruined the whole day. There is lots of booze around, lots of stupid jokes at my and every one's expense and you can't get mad because then you're just being uptight. Plus, I tend to sit in the corner and not talk much. I just don't have a lot to say. And it's not like I have anything interesting in my life going on. I'm not working steadily, I don't have a family, I don't have a boyfriend...all I have is theatre and nobody cares about that. Mom took pictures last night of Callie's family, then KC's family, then me by myself...to signify the pathetic, single, child-less daughter. Like I need another reminder of my pitiful existence.
And the greediness just sickens me. Why do you need to spend hundreds of dollars on something you're just gonna replace in a few months with the next big trend? I literally spent $7 to buy Jackson one of those stacks of plastic colored rings since it was his first Christmas. That is all the money I spent. I really couldn't afford much else and to be honest, I didn't want to spend the money on stuff people didn't need. Do you know what I got this year? Nothing (with the exception of the $50 my grandparents sent me) and I am 100% okay with that. I don't need anything. If there happens to be something I want during the year, I usually buy it for myself...unless it's ridiculously expensive because, obviously, I don't need it. Every year, I tell my parents not to buy me anything and they never listen. Mom has to overdo it because she's a Christmas freak. Well, this year has been rough financially and they couldn't afford much so they only bought for the little ones. They feel terrible about it but I don't see a problem. Why put yourself in the poor house for unnecessary stuff? We're all big kids; we'll get over it. And really, I feel humbled. I don't need material things to make me happy.
Now I'm not trying to make it sound like people who enjoy the holidays are stupid or those who received a lot of gifts are terrible people. These are my personal feelings and thoughts. I don't hate my family. I don't hate people who enjoy getting a lot of gifts. I hate the idea of the whole season. I would be perfectly happy staying home and spending the day with my family without getting all dressed up and without exchanging gifts. Maybe I'm being Grinch-ish, but that's just how I feel about the whole thing. And, for the love of God, I HATE CHRISTMAS MUSIC. It's the same 10 songs done 100 different ways.
That being said, I'm still awaiting word on this job. I haven't given up hope. They're most likely going to start hiring after the first of the year; a couple weeks after that I'll start to worry. I am perfect for this job. I have the skills. I have the experience. I have the passion. Above all, I have people who believe in me so much that they're confident it's mine. Oi, I'd hate to disappoint.
Now onward to New Year's Eve. Merry Christmas, my friends. Hope it found you in better spirits than I.
-Me
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