...While befriending fate's alluring way of putting us to shame.

Do you ever agree to do something, something that you normally enjoy doing, and almost immediately regret it? That's how I'm feeling right now about stage managing Mary Stuart. Of course, I love doing it and being around my friends. However, part of me just doesn't want to be there. Sitting there watching others act makes me sad. I haven't acted in such a long time. I miss it, especially when I know I can play the main role 100 times better than she can... and I feel like I'm just not needed there. Sure, I know some of the cast is happy I'm there but then there are the others who think they can manage without me. And it isn't because I don't like it; it's because I should be off doing makeup and doing what I do best. No, the couple hours a few nights a week don't interfere...I'm just unhappy.

Unhappy because I feel stuck. I haven't had any makeup work in awhile and it's depressing. Though I'm trying to remain optimistic about this touring makeup job, I'm becoming more and more discouraged each day that passes with no word. Damn it, I was POSITIVE I had this job. I'm absolutely the perfect fit for it. I built it up to where I believed I had already been hired. That's what I get for NOT being pessimistic...

Yesterday, I lost my Malfoy kitty to our pit bull. Yes, the same pit bull that killed Neville. My dad just refuses to get rid of her because "he doesn't see the problem". He doesn't care that she's killing animals. "That's the way of life" is his view. How can anyone be so heartless? Why bother having pets if you don't care that they're attacked or sick or killed? Both of my babies didn't do ANYTHING to that beast. She just went after them. I don't know what was worse; Watching Neville die and knowing there was nothing I could do to help him or coming in and finding Malfoy lying dead in the back, after an obvious scuffle in the trailer. There was blood all over the corner of my bed, the pillow top was torn apart, the corner of the mattress was shred to where I can see the springs...blood and slobber on one of Grandma's teddy bears... blood on the unused pillow, blood on my Soft Kitty Kelly got me for Christmas a year ago. Malfoy TRIED to get away and he was unsuccessful. And I had no idea any of this was happening. The damn dog got out of the pen and must have nosed in the trailer, where Malfoy was lying on my bed, Malfoy hissed and the dog went after him.

I feel terrible. I couldn't protect my kitty from that beast. Malfoy had been attacked twice previously by this same dog. The first time I had to take him to the vet because he had gaping hole in his tummy and I was horrified. He had to be operated on and had a drain in his tummy for a week. The second time he was just shaken up. And the third was fatal... He was such a tough kitty and a total sweetheart. He never purred very loudly. You'd have to have your ear right next to him but it was there. Malfoy slept behind my knees or on my legs. ALWAYS. I missed that last night, even when Bones and Flitwick curled up beside me. Yes, I'm aware I sound like a crazy cat lady right about now but I don't care. These kitties ARE the equivalent to having children.

And now I give you a few photos of my Neville and Malfoy kitties:

       

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." -Anatole France
 Rest in Peace, my babies. Know that I will love you always <3

In happier news, my niece, Abigail Grace Philippi, made her way into the world on January 7th, 2013 at 3:03am. She weighed 6lbs, 14 0z, 18 1/2 inches long. She is absolutely gorgeous, with her mommy's nose and her daddy's chin. My first niece and I'm already hooked.

So sad that so much happiness can be followed by so much sadness. I guess that's just Life.

-Me