You may have noticed I like to use quotes in my posts. They aren't necessary but I think they emphasize the point I am trying to make. They inspire me, and all writing is fueled by inspiration...or some shit.
Change is slowing taking over my life. And I am allowing it. I find I change every so often, not always because I want to or necessarily for the better, but because it is inevitable. I need it. If I or everything around me stayed the same I'd become bored easily. There are, of course, things that I'd love to stay the same...like friendships...but that just doesn't happen. However, it's the true friendships that last even after they change. Unfortunately, I have very few of those but this post isn't about my lonely existence. It's about change.
Strong character is brought out by change, weak ones by permanence.- Jean Paul
I am determined to make myself into an improved, stronger Lauren. Physically, mentally and (God willing) emotionally. I need to feel good about myself on a regular basis. Yes, I have awesome self esteem. I'm a bit full of myself, conceited, yada yada yada... but I don't always feel like it. I have my moments of weakness. I'm only human.
So, with that, I have cut soda out of my diet. Crazy, right? It's only been a week but I already feel less sluggish and more energized. I do miss my beloved Dr. Pepper, though. It was an ugly breakup. I also have limited my intake of carbohydrates. Though I may not be "fat", I can definitely use some work on my physique. My goal is to fit into the size 13 jeans I bought at the thrift store 2 weekends ago. I used to fit into size 13. Oh, they fit but no where near comfortably. So some exercise is required. But I'm not taking up running. Far too much impact on my girly assets and I just flat out don't want to. I have a routine that won't kill me but will help improve my form.
Keeping with the "improvements", I was watching My Shopping Addiction on the Oxygen network and realized I have far too many clothes. No, I'm not saying I have a shopping addiction but I do love thrift stores. A LOT. I have clothes that very rarely get worn. They could help somebody else out. So the plan for today is to go through my clothes and donate at least a black trash bag full to Angel View (my favorite thrift shop. All proceeds help children and adults with disabilities maximize their potential.) I hate getting rid of stuff because later on down the line I'll need it for something and won't have it but I need to stop being so self-involved. I have it better than others and need to be thankful. This is the month for that, after all.
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.- George Bernard Shaw
There are areas in my personal/social life that have been undergoing changes, as well. I think I'm having second thoughts about one but it's too soon to really make a judgement call. It's the best possible outcome I could hope for and I am thankful for that friendship. One friendship I put entirely too much emphasis on and I'm appalled by my blindness to the fact that it is almost completely one-sided. I say almost because this person did eventually contact me after several attempts at contact on my part. Though the explanation given isn't completely excusable, I accepted it. Another friendship that I value above many is kinda at a standstill. Other factors have come into play and more attention is being put on them. This happens in many, many friendships but I don't accept it. It's inexcusable.
In all my relationships, personal or social, I have found that not much effort is given on the other side. I'm usually the one to take the initiative. Well, that's changing. I'm not making much of an effort anymore. I end up feeling like a desperate jackass and that's not a good feeling. After my breakup, I went through a stage of "clinginess" with a couple of my friends (not surprisingly, both were male. The majority of my friends are male), but not in an intimate way. I'm not that kind of girl. I just wanted to talk and hang out with them. In the long run, I embarrassed myself. I vow to never be like that again. It isn't me.
The next few weeks are gonna be trying. I'm gonna hurt. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna want to give up. But I won't let myself. There's no place for quitters. And there's no time for doubt. I'm gonna hurdle forward and come out on top, stronger than ever.
I always do.
-Me
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