I realize it has been exactly 3 weeks since my last post. I guess I haven't felt much like blogging. It seems silly, but I'm really depressed about my cat dying. And the worst part of all is that dog is still here. She's supposed to be chained up but there she sits in the pen, unleashed. I mentioned something to Dad and he just shrugged it off. He doesn't give a damn if that dog gets out and goes after another one of my cats and that infuriates me. He's the one who made a huge deal about "cats being cats" and constantly bitched that I needed to let them outside. I let them out and what happens? They get killed by your dog.
I can't live here anymore. Of course, I don't have any other options but it pains me to have my kitties subjected to that dog. Flitwick climbed a tree to get away and I'm not worried about him so much, but Bones has been attacked twice by that dog. I'm afraid he'll meet the same fate as my other two. I don't want to be cruel and keep them couped up inside all day after they know what outdoors is like but with that dog off the chain I worry she will bust out of that pen again...
Everyone can master a grief but he that has it. - William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing (Act III, Scene II)
Mary Stuart is coming along. It should be further along characterization-wise, but it's shaping up. I think we have yet to have a rehearsal where every cast member is present. I'm super stressed about this. One, dealing with some who obviously aren't putting the work into the show outside of rehearsal. Two, I'm sharing my car with Mom so she can get to and from work. Therefore, most nights (and we have rehearsal pretty much EVERY NIGHT of the week) I'm late to rehearsal. Granted, we don't start till 6pm when we have a 5:30pm call, but I should be there before everyone. Three, dealing with a director who is far too lenient on the cast. I have no problem being the bitch because that's sort of my job as stage manager, but I can't enforce anything if it isn't backed up by the director. We also have cast members who like to play director and have their "opinions" on what their character would do. I'm so completely sick and tired with that BS. Just shut the hell up and do what we tell you.
Rehearsals have become so tedious for me. I'm over watching it night after night. Zack told me when I complimented him on how awesome his scene was the other night that he knew that was a big deal because he knows I hate the show. He also thanked me for being there and said things would not get done if I wasn't stage manager. I really appreciated hearing that. I've felt like I'm not needed and basically like I was wasting my time on people who think they can run this show without me. It wasn't necessary for him to say but it was nice. Honestly, if it weren't for Zack, Michael, Donald and now Aaron being in this show, I would have snapped already. They're pretty great friends.
Show aside, I have not been in a very happy place lately. I'm still down about not getting that touring job (let's face it; I would have heard something by now) and I'm not getting much makeup work. Granted, I did do face painting for that birthday party last weekend and that was a big success, even may have gained a few other parties out of it. I had a friend from La Sierra University contact me about doing makeup for his film this Sunday and next. In fact, 2 friends from LSU have contacted me about makeup for their films. So there's a silver lining in all of this. Of course, I'm doing makeup for Mary Stuart but that was practically a given. I just feel like I should be doing more than what I am. I'm going no where fast and it's extremely disheartening. 5 years ago, I never imagined I would be stuck where I am now. I'll be 27 in a few months and I am a big fat nobody. All because I decided I was an artist and that's the direction my heart led me in.
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.- Mark Twain
I'm trying to be happy. Trying to overcome these feelings of uselessness. Having a little trouble, that's all.
-Me
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