I'm hanging out with me and you're a vacant chair...

“It is not because the truth is too difficult to see that we make mistakes... we make mistakes because the easiest and most comfortable course for us is to seek insight where it accords with our emotions - especially selfish ones.”- Alexander Solzhenitsyn

As humans, we tend to be selfish beings. In many ways. It's easy to become consumed with our own lives, with our own wants and needs. I, for one, am guilty of doing it. I have quite a bit of things on my mind constantly that keep me from interacting with others as much as I could (and should). We are so often blind-sided when it comes to other humans. To our colleagues. To our family. To our friends. Therefore, we don't realize that our selfishness is effecting them. It causes hurt, jealousy and, in my case, anger. Sometimes, we enter into romantic relationships. We're so enthralled by our newfound happiness that we let that relationship consume our lives, and it nudges our other relationships out of the way. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with having that boyfriend or girlfriend. You deserve to be happy and if that person makes you happy, go for it. Just don't lose sight of the other people in your life who love and care about you and deserve your attention as well. Because at the end of the day, when it's all said and one, those relationships are the ones that will always be there. It takes no more than a couple seconds to send a message to that human being we may not realize we're effecting. A simple text "Hey, it's been awhile. How are you doing?"...a quick phone call to let that person know they're on your mind. Don't make excuses. "Oh, I'm so busy with work. I'm so busy with my life." Bull. There are 24 hours in a day. You can spare a few seconds. You can take the time to return that phone call to your friend who just so happens to have amazing news to share and wants you in on their excitement. “I believe all suffering is caused by ignorance. People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their happiness or satisfaction. Yet true happiness comes from a sense of peace and contentment, which in turn must be achieved through the cultiv” -Dalai Lama   Speaking of that amazing news, I received a phone call from Adam last Saturday morning. Though I was headed to take a shower, I answered my phone. He asked if he could read something to me and I said of course. Adam proceeded to read me an acceptance letter to The Stella Adler Studio of Acting in New York. He has been accepted into their 3 year conservatory program! He really impressed one of the faculty members with his Edgar from King Lear. This guy FOUGHT for Adam, because he believed in him that much. I was so ecstatic for him that I cried in joy as he gushed about his happy news. He deserves this and I fully can't describe how proud I am of him. So much time, effort and money have been put into auditioning for grad schools. He has put in the work and it has paid off ten-fold. Proof that persistence prevails in the end. I insisted we go out that night and celebrate, where he told me all about the program and how excited he was. I found out our friend Chip had also been accepted into the program, which is super awesome. I was just happy to be there for my friend in his hour of triumph. Because that's what friends do. They make time for each other.   In the talk of selfishness, I'm going to be self-indulgent for a moment. Earlier this week, I auditioned for Cat on a Hot Tin Roof with Ramona Hillside Players. I've wanted to play Maggie ever since I read play. I guess you could say it's a dream role. Well, I auditioned and the audition went very well. I was informed last night that I won the role of Mae, another very good role. No where near the size of Maggie, but good nonetheless. I am very pleased for several reasons. The cast is terrific, we have an awesome director and Aaron is playing Gooper, Mae's husband. I get to do another show with him, this time as an actress. But above all, I'm performing again. It's been far too long since I was on stage and I couldn't be happier. Don't have to worry about anything but my lines and my character.   A man is called selfish not for pursuing his own good, but for neglecting his neighbor's. -Richard Whately Just something I wanted to get off my chest. Better than blowing up at somebody. -Me

My normal hesitation is gone and I really gravitate to your will...

I had typed up this nice post a couple weeks ago and right at the end of it I managed to delete it and by the time I figured out how to "undo" it I had messed it up to the point that I couldn't get back my entire entry. So that was 2 hours wasted and I just said screw it. I'm super special.

It has been 2 months since my last post. Ha, that sounds like I'm at a confessional. "It's been 8 weeks since my last confession. Forgive me, for I have sinned. You see, I laid with a man who is not my husband...and a beagle...and some mice." Joking, of course. Bestiality is not a laughing matter...

Mary Stuart has finally come to a close. As much as I will miss my friends, all I can say is 'Thank God it's over'. I was tired of the drama, done with dealing with the "Divas" and just fed up with the un-organization of the whole process. I'm one damn good stage manager and I love what I do, but even I can only take so much. It had been my life since November and I literally hated it. HATED it. Sure, now that it's over I have nothing significant to do with my life, but I have time to actually do other things now. It turned out to be a terrific show and everyone was great (as well it should be, they had been rehearsing practically every night for 3 months).

Aaron and I started dating. It really kinda just happened. I mean, I liked someone else and he was dating someone... We just clicked. It started as just talking on the way to and from rehearsal and at rehearsal. Then one day I sent him a text asking if he got the email I sent out and it escalated from there. It simply was that I liked talking to him. I thought he was nice and we had a very similar sense of humor. And of course I thought he was attractive. I had thought so when I saw him in The Odd Couple at MSJC and when he was ushering The Comedy of Errors, where I shamelessly flirted. I didn't think I'd see him again. Anyway, I think after about a week of constant texting is when he told me if he were single he'd ask me out, much to my complete surprise. I had no idea he was interested...but then again I'm basically oblivious when guys are attracted to me. Even our conversations that went well into the night didn't clue me in. I was just happy to have a friend I had so much in common with.

Long story short, within the span of 3 weeks we were dating. As much as I wish it had happened differently, I'm very pleased with how things turned out. He lives about 15 minutes away (give or take a few), which is awesome because neither of us has to travel far when hanging out and he actually likes to hang out with me. Let's face it, I'm boring so whenever anyone wants to hang out with me I'm flattered. My family likes him...well specifically, my Mom likes him. I don't know anyone else's opinion yet but he's already been to one family get-together and he thinks they're a lot of fun so that's already a point in his favor. That and he socializes with them. Very big with my family. Thursday, I'm going to MSJC to make him into a black guy for his Acting for Film class. He's doing a monologue from Tropic Thunder and it just wouldn't be complete without the makeup. Needless to say, I'm excited. Makeup is my life.


I'm very content with how things are at the present moment. Sure, I'd be happier if I were working more but I have a few feelers out there and I just have to wait till they come to fruitation. The biggest downside to the life of a makeup artist is waiting. But I'm constantly networking and getting my name out there. My only issue is all the "last minute" gigs. I received a message from a photographer in Palm Springs who asked if I was available to do makeup at 2pm the next day out there. I absolutely need more notice than that. My weekends are usually pretty busy and it's hard during the week with baby-sitting, which is starting to become an issue. It limits what gigs I can accept during the week and if she doesn't bring them (this is the case most of the time) then I lose out on work. To top it off, I've been watching her boys since December 26th and have yet to get paid. It's through the county and I haven't received any time sheets yet so that I can start getting paid. I'm questioning it because it has been over 2 months and I'm wondering if she's even actually in the program anymore. She stopped bringing Kyle like a month ago and tried telling me her worker said I'd only be getting paid $2, rather than the agreed upon minimum wage. This further proves my suspicion that she's not in the program because her worker told her if for some reason I wasn't approved or anything else, she would have to pay me out of her own pocket. I don't mind watching her kid if that's the case but she needs to pay me, and I do mean the agreed upon wage, and she needs to be consistent in when she brings him. It's supposed to be Monday-Thursday from 8:30am to 3:30pm. If I'm lucky, she brings him twice a week from 8:30am to noon. But if she isn't bringing him, she doesn't tell me. I have to text her when she doesn't show. HATE THAT. Be fucking responsible and considerate.

That's about it for now. I need to get back to my weekly posts. Why? Because I amuse myself. The only reason I do this in the first place.

-Me